I was so upset and hurt yesterday, why!!! It’s over a simple thing, but I know that’s it’s beyond a simple thing. The thing that made me so upset, that I cant believe that there was a friend (not a real and true friend of course) just capable to say a mean thing but then denied saying all those horrible words.

I don’t like confrontation, I like to sit down and talk calmly, but if you pushed my button, yes of course I would not just sit down there. But then I found that communication with this kind of person would never work out, so I said to her ‘I don’t like arguing, also I found that there is no way I could talk to you’. I don’t like waste my time with this, I do not have to prove myself or to defend myself. My best friends, my family and myself knows me very well, that’s all that matter to me.

It’s too bad that I had to face with someone like her, it’s too bad that I know her true colour in such a way, but in other side I thank you that I know it earlier.

No words cant express for what I feel inside my heart at this moment. You belong to God, not to me or your children or your wife, and He have decided that yesterday your time with us will be ended for a while. I know that it’s actually never end, the bond between us is too strong, and I know that I am only a breath away from where you are.

Thank you for coming to my dream the night before you go, I know it’s your way to say goodbye to me, but you know that it’s not a goodbye, that’s why you gave us your last smile on your sleep. You assured us that you will always be there for us, and you always will.

Last night, all I can think off if my beautiful memories with you. Remember you always took me to the night market and bought me flosh, remember you pick me up at the party and I was mad to you that you made me embaraced in front of my friends, remember you are mad with me cause I dont come to you when I had trouble, then you said ‘No matter what you did outside, you have to know that you always come home, come to me, cause I never let bad things happen to my children. I remember very clearly when you sat beside my bed when I was sick, and you would not sleep till you knew I could breath normal. Remember, everytime we watched TV, I always leaned on you. I remember every single memories I had with you Dad, and I will always remember it. You are in my heart and my soul. I love you so much..I hope you are at God’s home now… I will count the days till the day I meet you again.

Rest in peace Dad… I love you….

The World Youth Day 2008 in Sydney was my second WYD, my first was in Philiphine in 1995. I love it, so when I knew that the 2008 was in Sydney I said to Ashley, I have to go to this one :)…

For those who are Catholic, you might all know that the World Youth Day is a special event which initally set my Pope John Paul II to gather all young Catholic and Christian from all around the world to do renew their faiths in this big events. I think it’s just so amazing to see this all young Christians gathers together in the name of God. Well…if you want to know more, there are a lot of website explain this, long short stories….this is one event that helps me to renew my faith in Christ. If I havent got family, I would love to go for the whole events, but as I have Coby, it’s a bit hard to leave him, so I just went 3 days instead.

I was an individual pilgrimage if you can say, I didnt go in the group. My other intention was to find the Neo-Cathecumenal group I used to join back in Indonesia. It’s so good to hear the group of young people from the Neo-Cathecumenal Way sang along…..

Since I didnt belong to any group, I stayed at one backpacker place in King Cross, it’s very cheap $25/night…well as you all imagine, it’s no luxiry of course,but it didnt worry me, I just needed a place to sleep at night, that’s all. I shared my room with 4 other young people. A guy from Israel, a guy from German, a girl from German and a guy from Taiwan. It’s good experience, I got to know other people culture. King Cross is a really good place to stay if you dont have a big budget for holiday,it’s cheap. But just be careful when you walk around this area, as so many drunk and stupid people around, and sometimes they were not very nice when they drunk.

Woke up early on Sunday morning, started my walking at 6am in the freezing Sydney morning to go to Randwick Racecourse for the WYD closing mass with Pope Benedict. It’s about 2hours walked. When I got there, I could see all the tents all the sleeping bag, the young people had been sleeping over night in the park after the vigil night. Tough I didnt get the best spot, somehow I could manage to run on the front when Pope Benedict passed the racecourse, so happy to see  him…

Anyway…put some pics there if you would like to see…just dont want to bore you all with my long stories hehehehehe…

See you in Madrid - Spain in 2011 ………………*Finger cross*

My friends and I watched the famous and faboulous Sex and The City yesterday, I had watched all the series, it’s not the most masterpiece drama series, but it’s quite entertaining…(according to me of course).

When the movie hit the theater, of course I cant wait to see the movie… hmmm I have to admit though, it’s not as good as I imagine…it’s just alright.. maybe 2,5star out of 5….it’s a kind of girls day out movie…My friends and I was sort of sceptic  with Carrie’s wardrobe which is full with designer’s clothes, shoes, bags…etc..hahahaha I mean it… Let’s face it, in real life, if you still pay rent for your apartments, can you afford the designer’s stuffs in your entire wardrobe?

What I love most about this series is about the friendship among the girls, they are there for each other no matter what.. and maybe you and me who watched this series throughout the years also could relate some or more of our life in there…but for sure, I respect and love my friends not for what they wear…it’s just LABEL anyway.. it’s ‘beneath’ what they wear which define who they really are.

Anyway…hopefully you all enjoy the movie like I did…and finally Mr. Big’s real full name was mentioned there…sttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Today 4 years ago… Ashley and I said our ‘ I do’…I remember that I was being scared if that was the right choice for us. Before we decided to get married, everything seemed so easy and fine, but when the time had come to say those vows, it’s kinda scare us. But… hey, we got through those moments… I know that we always questions if someday we are going to meet our soulmate… I think and I believe now that soulmate is not someone that you find in the blink of the relationship.. it’s a process of knowing that person, being comfortable to be who you are around that person,  I find that in Ashley, I am confident of being myself and that’s a huge thing for me in the relationship…

Our journeys is still continuing….it’s not easy, there is always ups and downs… we both learn how love can be perfect and imperfect, we both accept that we are two different personality with two different brain, so there is no way on earth that there is always peaceful in our mariage, we always learn to sit in the table together to solve our differences. we see our differences as a way to communicate and understand better about each other. We both grow together to be a better person and better parents. We both know that we can be very so stuburn, but we know when it come to marriage, those egos have to be put aside. I am looking forward to continue my journey with Ashley and Coby in many many many years to come…..

It’s the picture of coby after he’s got home from the daycare…look happy hey… but it’s different story in the morning when I dropped him at the daycare.

Well, the idea of putting Coby to the daycare once a week is mainly because I want to get him ready to be in the daycare before I start my work on August. And honestly, Coby has been socialized among mothers too much hahahahah, and since most of my friends’ kids are at schoolage, and his cousins who the same age with Coby lives far away too, so yup… he doesnt have much choices but being with adults most of the times.

Coby is usually just fine when I dropped him around at friend’s house when we had something to do or when ashley’s parents came up here, we asked them to look after coby . That morning, Coby was so upset, I guessed it was quite a daunting experience for him, being around with lots of kids around the same age with him and learn to share and share the toys hihihihi…and at home he doesnt have to share his toys  to anyone else, others than his cousins.

I ended up staying there for 1 hour, I just felt that I needed to be there until coby settle down,instead he kept grabbing my hands to the gate, and said ‘mummy, open’ … he wanted to go home….

I said to myself, ‘I have to do it…I have to be strong’, then I said to him…’You will have a lot of fun today with new friends, mummy gonna pick you after you have a nap ok’ then I said goodbye and left… His reaction was screaming his lung off, god I could hear his screaming in the parking lot. I tried to look out his sad face from the window in his playground, I felt like to grab him..then the director of the daycare said to me ‘He’ll be alright, we’ll give you a call after 10 to inform you how is he’

Then I left, in the car I was crying and crying… when I got home, I called Ashley, I just felt so sad…I cant stop crying and thinking about him… around 10.30 the carer Ms. Jodie called me that Coby was find and playing with the others, she said that he was quite upset for 10minutes when he realized that mummy has gone…’ ..it was a bit of relieve….

When I gave Indonesian private tutoring, my mind was all in Coby hehehe… and my student could feel that, and she said ‘you’d better go and get Coby’ hihihi… I said to her that I’ll give her longer time next time…

When I got to the daycare, I looked at the playground that Coby was playing with his new friends…but then he saw me opened the gate, he just rushed to my arms and hold me so tight… I said to him ‘you gonna kill mummy if you kept squeezing mummy like that hihhihi’ .. the carer laughing hahhahaha….

Oh goshhh…I know it’s not going to be easy journey for me and Coby, but I need to do this so that he can learn to sosialize with others children…I think emotionally it’s a really hard just to hear coby crying…Thanks God… Ashley and my friends are there to help me….

Hey..hey… Coby is here…I have been so lazy updating about Coby… generally he wont let me sit in front of the computer by myself, cause he wants to play with the computer too.. He can turn on the computer by himself now, even he can unlock my mobile easily.. and send blank massage to my friends or worse… calling them. I dont know about this, untill I got the complain from my friends that they kept recived the blank massage 15 or 25 times… gheesss… so, from now on, we have to hind our mobiles on the top of the bookcase.

Coby is still little monkey… cant stop jump around the house. He’s got 18 teeth now, still hate having his hair cut. His favorite words are counting one, two, three, four…. then repeat them again and again…. and calling mummy…. all the time (*drive me crazy a bit).

He’s been in the trouble everyday, such as emptied my new Bodyshop foundation and drew the lipstic all over his face… he just want to copy what we usually do… hehehe… But he shows his independence slowly, if he wants milk or juice, he will get them out from the friedge, and get his own plastic cup, and then call me to help him to pour it…of course, he’s been tried to do it by himself, but as I always tighthen the lid, so he cant do it….Then he will put the cups in the sink when he’s finished.

He is mummy’s little helper too, helping to do the vacumming… he just love it, sometimes I have to fight with him when I need to do vacumming quick, and he wont let me heheheheheh… Coby will have a break with the swimming lesson, as winter comes soon. Instead, we plan to put coby in the childcare just once a week, the reason is that Coby need to interact with the other children and give me a break…just being myself. As Coby’s verbal development is late… he needs to interact with the other children and hopefully it force him to talk. At home, he understand completely what we said to him, such as ‘coby, close the door please’ or ‘Help mummy, clean up the mess please’. But he just doesnt want to express them in words, some friends who has boys said that it’s just about the boy who talk late, girls generally talk early than boys… I dont know about this, but it seems everywhere I look for opinion, they said the same.

Most of the time Coby words are ‘Come here!! Mummy, Mummy!!!… or ‘Puppy’ (when he saw any kind of animals in TV or books…sometimes, when we asked he, all his answers is ‘NOOOOOOOO’ tough it means "YESSSS’

During the day, Coby is free from nappy, but when we go out, he still wears nappy, I dont know why, somehow, he doesnt want to go to public toilet… I have to keep trying, and he doesnt want to tell me when he want to do it, he knows how to say wee wee or poo poo… I end up remind him to go to toilet. He is so funny tough, he likes to say ‘bai bai, when he flushed down the wee wee or poo poo’, I thought it’s so cute…

Coby loves planes, and everyday he will run out the house and try to see it and scream…’plainnnnnnnnnnnnnnn’… he loves paintings and riding his bikes and his little car… I think that’s his favorite toys..

If I was asked, what is the most valuable core for being a Christian..without doubt I will say ‘Love, one another’…that’s what actually called being Christian.

Easter is always a special moment for me… from 365days, this last 3 days - Holy Saturday, Good Friday and Holy Saturday - are the most important 3 days. It is a simple reason basically, I just need to be reminded that I am a sinner. Now, you might be wondering, why was it so important to be reminded that I am a sinner? I need to find a meaning of my life, not just living in it… I need to find the purpose of me being here… being who I am, being where I am now, being what I am doing now. Most of the time I feel lost…and a simple reason to ‘love one another’ somehow make me to have purpose in this life…it’s hard and it’s a realy damn hard to just ‘love, one another’

Holy Saturday’s moment always struck my deepest ego, when the priest washed the feet of their people to follow what Jesus did to others…to serve and to be humble, and how cant He do that if He doesnt have LOVE to do that…I always asked myself, can I do that? My heart only gave a prayer to Him ‘Lord, please forgive me, as I am a sinner. Please help me to learn to love like You love me’

The next day when I was sitting there following the mass for the Good Friday, I asked myself again, which one am I among those people described in the cross stations. Am I Judas who betrayed ‘Jesus’ for a couple of gold coins. Am I Pete who disowned ‘Him’. Am I the women who cried in the streets and did nothing. Am I Simon who helped Him to carry the cross. Am I the diciples who run away from ‘Him’. Am I the soldiers. Am I the Pilate. Am I one of those people in the street who mocked Him. And I realized that I can be all of them…I am like the women who cried in the street when I saw injustices happened and I did nothing about it. I am like Judas when I wanted to get things I want without any considerations of others. I am like Pilate when I dont care when all I care is myself.

So… I prayed to you ‘Lord, please forgive me as I am a sinner. Please help me to love like You love me’

Happy Easter to you all

Gee… Coby’s turning 2 today… Happy Birthday Coby, still cant believe that he is 2 now, and he is not a baby, he is a little boy who just love life so much…

We had a little party at home, gathering with friends and have casual BBQ at home, thanks God that day wasnt raining though still so windy…

Since coby loved playing outside with his buggy car, ash and I gave him a little bike without pedal for his present, as the other 2 he’s got were second hand, so for his brithday he’s got something new for himself….

Happy Birthday my boy…. just be happy today!!!!

We said a little prayer for you for your years to come… God Bless You….lot’s of love - mum & dad

And thank you everyone for coming to Coby’s party and for all the presents whether it’s wrapped, spoken or written…

Dont we all love Christmas, especially children…Santa dropped the presents for those who naughty and nice hehehehehe…gathering with the family and just relax on Christmas day….

This year we celebrated Christmas at Ashley’s parents, it’s nice and quite Christmas for us remembering Ashley doesnt have big family, just two sisters and one of his sister lived far away, so basically it’s only Meghan’s family and Ashley’s parents….Coby, Eddie and Lily were so excited to see all the presents Santa dropped from the chimney… especially Lily  hihihi…. as last year she was quite upset as she thought that Santa stucked at her neighbour’s chimney hahahhaaha… Coby’s got a big Tonka’s truck and Mr. Potato’s head and a lot of presents from Auntie Eggie, grandma&grandad, auntie Calise and Santa of course… Big day for all the kids for sure….

Thank you Lord for the joys you bring us….

Something special this year in Sunshine Coast, the Marrochy baptist church made a special Christmas festival called Bethlehem at Night…well… rather than having a drama performance about the night Jesus Christ was born, they set up their auditorium become a Bethlehem city at night and all the people who come to see it felt like they were part of the people back at Jesus’s time…

They annouced that there was a cencus in the Bethlehem’s city…so it would be very busy tonight and would be very hard to find the inn… they said that there were young couple who just had baby and they didnt find inn too, they ended up staying in the barn…. then we passes the Bethlehem’s market where we could find the animal’s market, carpenters, etc

Anyway…. Merry Christmas everyone… May all the joys and peace be with you all….